God-dependency

I was born in a seeming separate body and mind.

All I was looking for was to be happy.

Where would I find such a state?

Looking around, I tried just about every possibility to find it in all the usual ways.

When I started to sense I would not find it there, I got very depressed. It felt like there was no hope for finding happiness at all.

It turned out that all that was required was for me to give up trying to find it by my own means.

God found me, and help appeared. I easily recognized: “this is it!” However, my faith was inconsistent. I still valued all of the ways in which I found temporary relief.

After some years of going back and forth, I learned that it was all or nothing, not a little bit of both. More years of learning showed me that there is nothing to lose, that nothing is taken away. The final learning has been that God’s means give me everything, and my own means give me nothing. I am healed, and happy.